it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize