I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
