i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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