i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
