It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
