I can't watch pbs sober anymore
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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