I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
