i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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