The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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