shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
