We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
