Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
