just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
