who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
