If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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