it was like his penis was on wheels.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
