I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I met the friendliest cop last night
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
