Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
