miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
