In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
