It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
