I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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