Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Randomize
