You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
