If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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