Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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