oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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