I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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