lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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