my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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