I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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