you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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