Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
