if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
