I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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