i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
