It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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