Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
