Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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