These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
