I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
