Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
