I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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