im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I will pee on everything he values.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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