did you get engaged???
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He has the fingertips of a God
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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