is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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