My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize