I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
