i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
All I want is dick and wine.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
