textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
