my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize