Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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