There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
