the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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