My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
