Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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