i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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