they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
