Do you still have your period?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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