It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
