Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
