Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize