official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
